God Tells Palin To Quit

“With all these GOPers claiming I told them to run”, read the message from God, burned and paginated onto Matilda Gullible’s double order of pancakes down at the Greasy Griddle, “I just had to draw the line with someone or every flake from Washington to Alaska would be jumping in and blaming me.

If I “Shed my grace on thee’ why would I turn the place over to a bunch of psychopaths who think executing innocent persons is a defining virtue but that providing health care for my people is a terrorist plot?” continued The Lord On High. “I mean, Jesus H Christ, what Satanic cult did these idiots wander into in search of spiritual fulfillment?”

“And”, continued The Creator, “If one more of these sociopaths declares and blames it on me, I swear by all that’s holy they’re going to get a lightning bolt where the sun ain’t supposed to shine, but will posthaste.”