GOP Proposes Nomination Alternatives
With front-runner Donald Trump hinting violence if he is not the Republican nominee at the Cleveland convention in July, GOP bigwigs have been frantically casting about for solutions that don’t involve the breaking of bones.
Although nothing has yet been decided, the leading alternative at this stage of the process is, assuming no nominee emerges on the first or second ballot, to have all comers try to correctly recite “Reince Priebus”, the name of the current chairman of the Republican National Committee, three times in succession. The winner will be judged on speed and accuracy.
Said the real Reince Priebus, “This won’t be easy. Even my mother eventually gave up and called me ‘Wrench’. But it’s still better than the previous suggestion which was to go with the candidate with the longest fingers”.