Shocker!! Jeb Exits GOP Presidential Primary

 

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Jeb Bush

Even though dropping poll numbers indicated that Jeb Bush was in trouble regarding the fight for the GOP presidential nomination, this evening’s announcement that he would give up his pursuit of the top spot on the 2016 Republican ticket blindsided even the most aware political observers.

“I have decided to immediately end my pursuit of the Republican nomination for the presidency of the United States”, stated a somber Jeb Bush at a hastily called press conference in front of his campaign headquarters in Hootin Hollar, New Hampshire. “I wish to thank my supporters for all of their help, but I feel that our effort was dragged down by the media constantly reporting that my last name is ‘Bush’. I therefore have decided to end my campaign in order to spend more time with my family”.

Double Shocker! Political Unknown Steps Into Race

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John Ellis Doppelganger

Coming close on the heels of Jeb Bush’s withdrawal from the GOP campaign, a complete political unknown has announced his candidacy for the Republican presidential nomination. Speaking in front of his newly opened campaign headquarters in North Hootin Hollar, New Hampshire, John Ellis Doppelganger said his main qualification for president was not being related to anybody who has ever been president.

Our latest reports indicate that Doppelganger appears to be appealing to the supporters of former candidate Bush and has been drawing interest from former Bush donors.

 

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