GOP Insiders Form “Stop Trump” Strategy

“Why Didn’t We Think Of This Sooner!”

“it worked with Global Warming. It worked with Evilution, and it will work with Trump!” said a GOP insider who would only identify himself as “Florida Man” after requesting anonymity over fears friends and family would discover he’d been a closeted Republican all these years.

Running Mates

Running Mates

“All we have to do”, continued Florida Man, “Is say, as a group, that we don’t believe in Donald Trump. Presto! He ceases to exist and we are free to choose whomever we want as our nominee. Beautiful, No?”

“Well, no.” Replied our brave reporter, facing off against another GOPer traveling through life with only the barest grasp on reality. “What will you do when Trump and his delegates show up at the convention and demand to be voted in as the nominee?”

“Oh that part is easy. My nine year old daughter over heard our discussions and suggested that we just put our hands over our ears and yell loudly, “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

“But it doesn’t stop there.” gushed Florida Man. “Once we get the White House back we’re going to practically eliminate health care costs by not believing in the Germ Theory of Disease, and give a huge boost, literally, to NASA by not believing in the Theory of Universal Gravitation. Oh, Why didn’t we think of this sonner?!”

GOP Voters Tired Of Current Debate Format

Many Would Prefer Farting Contest

Confused by such terms as foreign policy, marginal tax rate, and penis size, one third of GOP voters are turned off by the present tone of the Republican debates.

We sent our reporter to Ding Dong, Texas in order to gather the opinions of real GOP voters from a decidedly red state. The sample collected indicates that likely Republican primary voters feel that given the trajectory of the current debates the next logical step would be a farting contest. “At least we wouldn’t have their ideas messed up with a lot of big words”, said long time Ding Dong resident, retired boxer, Bob N. Weave.

When our reporter asked what such a contest could decide, Mr. Weave replied, “Nuttin’, but towards the end maybe they could entertain us by lighting a few and maybe entice Rick Perry to get back in the race.