Paris Climate Summit In Chaos

Snowless Buffalo Roils Talks

The news from Buffalo, NY hit the climate change summit like the blizzard of ’77. “This is already the latest in the season Buffalo has gone without recording at least .1 inch of snow (the old record was December 3, 1899).” said CNN. For those of you aspiring Jeopardy contestants, you’ll know that William McKinley was president then, until he visited Buffalo two years later.

“This new data puts a real sense of urgency into finding a solution to the climate change dilemma” said Alberta Clipper, head of the U.S. Geological Survey which conducts monthly telephone polls asking Americans if they are, Completely, Somewhat, or Not, satisfied with the amount of bedrock under their region.

Also shocked by the new data were Percival and Pierpont Koch, inheritors of their father’s coal, oil, and gas, fortune. “We had no idea the situation was this dire”, the Koch brothers said in an email statement that they stressed had been written with recycled electrons.

“Yeah, seeing a few Pacific island nations drowning due to thermal expansion of the world’s oceans, and knowing that no matter what we do from now on, Miami and New Orleans are doomed, well, stuff happens. But, Buffalo without snow? This is getting serious.