Kim Jong Un Thought Rodman Was U.S. President

 

“They All Look Alike To Me”

Kim Jong Un’s fascination with Dennis Rodman is finally explained as a case of mistaken identity. Saying “I never could tell one from another” Kim Jong Un, leader of the reclusive nation of North Korea, said at a hastily called news conference, “I never thought to ask what he did back home. I just assumed…”

Rodman? President? HaHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

“Its an honest mistake.”, explained a government spokesperson. “I mean, how many tall black people can one country have? In North Korea we have only two kinds of people; the fat, and the starving.”

When our reporter, bullhorn in hand, from the safe side of the DMZ, asked if this revelation would affect Kim’s desire to have Dennis Rodman train a North Korean basketball team to compete in exhibition games with teams from the United States, Kim replied, “The training will go forward, after which this impostor will be executed. I executed my ex girlfriend and my uncle so why should I hesitate at a cross-dressing rebounder who sets off every metal detector in our airport.”

 

 

Pope Francis Emphasizes Vatican Chief Alms-giver

FOX “news” Critical

Brit Hume, on his FOX “news” program “Saying Things I’m Told To Say”, blasted the Pope, the Vatican, and especially the Vatican’s chief alms-giver, Archbishop Konrad Krajewski, for “…setting a bad example for world leaders everywhere”. “Making a public display of such foolishness will only encourage other world leaders to engage in similar folderol such as, God forbid, health care.”

FOX to Vatican - You'll Need This To Carry Your Ass When We're Done With You

FOX to Vatican – You’ll Need This To Carry Your Ass When We’re Done With You

The focus of Hume’s wrath, Vatican almoner Archbishop Konrad Krajewski, who describes himself as someone who “goes out to hug the people who suffer” declined our request for an interview to respond to the criticism from FOX saying only, “We weren’t aware that Canis had evolved sufficiently to host a television program. However, having viewed several episodes we are saddened to see that said evolution continues to be painfully slow.”

When informed of the Vatican response, Hume fumed, “He’s the Vatican’s ‘chief almoner’ is he? Well, we’ll see what he is after we sic Blue Diamond’s lawyers on him. He’ll be back in the Peanut Gallery with the rest of the nuts!”