Obama Pardons Thanksgiving Turkey

What? Another Republican For The House?

FOX “news” Critcal

As part of their continuing “Who went and made him President?” campaign, FOX (pardon the expression) “news” has lambasted, (lamBASTED! yuk yuk) President Obama over his pardoning of the National Thanksgiving Turkey. “Without hearings how are we to know what foul deeds this particular fowl may have been guilty of” thundered Bill O’Reilly on his Limbaughesque program “Yelling Crap That I Make Up“, seen in tattoo parlors and mud wrestling venues across the land.

“Is this a typical liberal or what? Pardon everything in sight without once consulting with his betters, which is to say those of us here at FOX. He blows his chance to start a war with Iran and now this? Didn’t Jimmy Carter missing a shot at war in Panama teach these Liberals anything? Geesh! At least invade Grenada or something. Oh, wait..that’s been done.”

Obama’s Last Ditch Effort To Save Health Care

Just Say No To Health Care For Colored Persons

Promises GOP No Colored Persons Need Apply

With his iconic health care law under Republican attack and in danger of foundering, President Obama has, with an eye toward making the measure palatable to the Republican base, taken the desperate measure of calling GOP leaders to an emergency meeting at the White House and proposing that “Obamacare” be limited to a whites only membership.

“Oh Lawdy”, the President declared to a delighted Republican delegation while waving his white gloved hands in the air, “Nobody know the troubles I seen wid dis here health care, an ya’ll white folks be happy to know I seen the error of my ways an make sure dat none of dis health care fussin’ benefit black folks.”

Afterward House Speaker John Boehner declared the President’s concession to be a significant breakthrough and commented “It would appear that Mr. Obama has finally come to know his place. Perhaps now we can finally move backwards…I mean forward in this country without certain people getting all uppity.”