Obama Appoints Conservator To Head Republican Party

You'll Need Obama Care When I'm Done

You’ll Need Obama Care When I’m Done

Says Party In Need Of Adult Supervision

Saying that America functions best with a viable two party system, President Obama has decided the time has come for an intervention to halt the GOP’s latest descent into madness.

At a Tuesday morning news conference the President declared, “I have decided the time has come, in the Republican Party, for an adult to step forward with something more to offer than green eggs and ham. To that end my staff and I have searched within the GOP membership for the person who in these trying times seems to be the most sane and competent member of said group. After a long and careful search we have decided that that person is Ted Nuget. He has his faults but considering the actions of his political peers he actually appears statesmanlike.”

“Mr Nugent” continued President Obama, “will assume the duties of the office of GOP Overseer, the position currently held jointly by the brothers Koch. When we contacted Mr. Nugent with our proposal he at first expressed reservation as to whether his personality and inclinations would be a good fit for the position. We assured him that without changing a thing he would be the most competent person in the room.”