Ted Cruz Ups Ante

Plans To Hold Breath Until Blue

In that great swath of America known as Teabaggerville, excitement is building over Tea Bagger darling Ted Cruz’s announcement that he has further and more creative plans to disrupt the functioning of the U.S. government.

Am I Blue Yet?

Don’t bother Ted. It never got Cheney to see things my way.

“When Ted found that his stirring and heartfelt reading of Green Eggs and Ham failed to move his opponents”, reported Cruz communications director, Samantha Semaphore, his team hit upon the strategy of asking for the floor, literally, and throwing himself down, screaming, yelling, and threatening to hold his breath until he turns blue, if Obamacare isn’t repudiated by the President immediately.”

When our reporter pointed out that from childhood memories he could state with a high degree of certitude that holding one’s breath could result in unconsciousness, Semaphore replied that Cruz had thought of that. “He had hoped to have Sarah Palin standing by to deliver mouth to mouth but she claimed a previous engagement; something about a moose infestation in Alaska. ┬áSo far we only have offers from Ted Nugent, Clint Eastwood, and Michelle Bachmann, so Ted says he may rethink the issue.