Supreme Court To Throw Out DOMA

Given Go Ahead By Koch Brothers

Pierpont and Percival Koch, billionaire inheritors of their father’s coal, oil, and gas fortune, in their position as overseers of the Republican Party, which is a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Industries, have given “Justice” John Roberts and the other Republican appointees on the court permission to overturn the DOMA.

Dana Verkouteren/Associated Press

Defend Marriage? Just Ban Divorce

“The issue of gay marriage had great promise when ‘Turd Blossom’ Rove incorporated it into his ‘If it worked for the Nazis it must be good’ bag of tricks for creating divisive infighting among the electorate in order to elect a completely unqualified former alcoholic and professional ne’er–do–well to the Presidency of the United States. Though the Nazi method of persecuting homosexuals seems to have lost its effectiveness as a U.S. campaign issue, we are still going to stick with persecuting gypsies, or as we like to call them, ‘illegal aliens’.

 

Jeb Bush Changes Name

Decides To Try Jeb Clampett

At a hastily called press conference the former Florida governor explained this surprising development. “Well, after my, cough cough, ‘book’ tour, I decided that changes needed to be made if I were to have any chance at getting the GOP nomin…NO, I MEAN…I mean if I were to be able to sell my books.”

Don’t Shoot Pappy! It’s Me, Jeb!

“Since The Clampetts were in oil as was my former family, I thought it would be a good choice.”

“Aren’t you just trying to distance yourself from the disastrous presidency of your brother, George?” asked our insightful reporter.

“George?” asked the former Florida governor. “George? My brother’s name is Jethro.”

“Does this also mean that you are no longer the grandson of Prescott Bush who planned a fascist coup against the United States in the 1930s?, our reporter asked.

“I’ve been to Prescott, Arizona, replied the puzzled latter day hillbilly, but I’ve never heard of this Prescott Bush of whom you speak. Though within my political circle many do speak longingly of a coup.”