Pope Reconsiders Retirement

Waiting Until Economy Improves

Worried about the future of Social Security,¬†Pope Benedict IX has put retirement plans on hold. “I can’t just walk into retirement knowing that life in a double wide may be in my future. I mean, this place isn’t called The Holy See because we stumble around blindly”.

Limbaugh Conveys Acceptance Of Papal Invitation

“I may wait until after the 2016 American elections for the world economy to improve. At least that’s according to the broadcasts of an American journalist named Rush Limbaugh, who bases his prognostications upon ‘powers on loan from God’. I ¬†apparently have much in common with this good man”.

When our reporter gently pointed out to His Excellency, the latest occupant of the throne of Saint Peter, that this Limbaugh person is not held in such high regard in his own country but is in fact regarded as a pompous, overstuffed, bellicose, representative of all that is wrong with American politics, and his so called powers from God are one of the main reasons that he is regarded in America as a fatuous blowhard, the Holy Father kindly observed, “Ah, such was the fate of The Redeemer. He was unable to perform miracles in his home town of Bethlehem. Perhaps i should entreat Mr Limbaugh to travel to our fair land to help us deal with our own political problems after he has cured America of its ills”.