Republicans Attack Planned Parenthood

Rally Round “Unplanned Parenthood”

With Republican candidates increasingly endorsing rape as a legitimate, God approved method of procreation, Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has put his support behind a GOP initiative tentatively named “Unplanned Parenthood”.

I Support Unplanned Parenthood

Said Romney spokesperson, Bringem Young, “We feel that since many young women are postponing motherhood or eschewing it altogether, we view rapists as Divine Messengers on a mission to carry out God’s will of ‘Be fruitful and multiply'”.

When our reporter pointed out that many of these “Divine Messengers” kill the prospective mother, Young replied, “Education will be one of the core missions of Unplanned Parenthood. We must ensure that our Divine Messengers understand that insemination is only a first step in the holy process”.

When it was further pointed out that many of these Divine Messengers are sitting in prison for their good work, Young went into detail regarding Unplanned Parenthood’s legislative arm working to enact grandfathering laws that would right these wrongs and get these good people back on the street where they are needed to carry on their divine mission of procreation.

“Actually” continued Young, “We are having an easier time getting women to accept Unplanned Parenthood’s concept of spontaneous impregnation than the next logical step of going barefoot.”